Where to begin, that has been the problem I have faced more times than I can count. I have been disappointed, underestimated, ridiculed, overlooked and lastly ‘cut adrift’. It was happening in my family, workplace (that I thought was a great work family) and finally surrounded by the worst neighbours ever.
All of these also contributed to my feelings of not having the skills that are needed to be able to write a blog in the first place. I am unable to spell, punctuate or use the correct grammar. That I remember as though it was yesterday, although it took place 57 years ago. I won’t bore you with the details, suffice to say it has been a lifelong problem in having no confidence with writing or explaining myself.
I will say from my last post of becoming a MeMa time has just flown by at pace it is has been hard to keep up with everyday things let alone the times to just sit, listen and enjoy life.
I have changed jobs several times after being injured in the job I thought I would be in until I retired. The physical injury will always give me some issues….especially at my age (that is what they all say now I am old). It is my mental and emotional health that took the brunt of the despair that I have felt the most. After being injured I had some time off work doing the necessary physiotherapy and adjusting to how I could still keep up with the everyday jobs around my place. It was the continued justification to the powers that be that I was genuinely injured. Having to jump through the hoops and over the hurdles to just get paid every fortnight. Along with that pressure it was being made aware all too obviously that I had to modify all my actions so as to not aggravate the injury back to when the initial assault happened. Not many of us will forget what also happened over those lost years. (I am often still caught off guard during that time, what ‘time and date did that occur‘ trying to keep my 3 jobs going to pay the mortgage and bills) all the while and I still do think how very fortunate I was and am that I was not directly hit. I was so grateful for the modern conveniences of being able to video call my family especially my granddaughter and not miss too much of her growth, physically and emotionally. I will always remember those tender moments of reading to her or taking her out to visit Rocky the cocky, shorty the miniature pony or the detective work around finding the missing black fish in the pond called Marty and all the other members of my menagerie. Sadly over the last few years I have also said farewell to some of the most loved people in my life including some of my cherished fur and feathered kids.
I did have to eventually resign from my second job (that I truly loved) and the main job well the injury that caused all the upset eventually I left that job too. After being assaulted, having only a couple of colleagues keeping in touch. I lost a sister-in-law unexpectedly and the day after her funeral my Darlink Dad passed away. I had been separated from Dad for just over 3 years before he died. Several of my siblings decided that along with myself and another sibling and his family that we were not to see him and they carried on that same line of deceit to also tell dad that we no longer wanted him in our lives. That is an enormous gapping hole in my heart and soul that I cannot and will NEVER RECOVERY FROM. I will NEVER be able to see or hear from those people that were family ever again. I will never forget let alone forgive them for the way they treated my dad. The only comfort I received is knowing that he died in a warm bed in hospital and he was no longer in physical or emotional pain.
Some lovely moments have happened and made the negative times dissipate somewhat. As a family we celebrated my son’s wedding just over two years ago to his beautiful wife and welcomed a new branch to our family tree. I bought a puppy who is now 4 and is still trying to my patience but is coming around to the way our family works. I have renovated down the back paddock and found a wonderful young girl to assist me with the maintenance. Hopefully finally started the fixing up of my much loved little house (fingers crossed – the progress is very slow, waiting on tradesmen).
Fast forward to today, bizarrely I am sadly remembering Dolly Parton and Sam Neill that have both recently died. Both of these people I thought were so kind, generous and thoughtful in all that they did. I am wondering when did being kind stop? I recall after we were all out of lockdown here in Victoria, Australia for about 6 months people were still being so grateful that we were mostly free to get back to a normal life. People on the streets and people in cars were so courteous and thoughtful. But now it is a very much a ‘dog-eat-dog world’ in my eyes and ears. It is in my workplace, on the streets in town and in my neighbourhood, on the tv ,radio and social media. I am feeling not only at a loss as to why this is now the case but I AM SERIOUSLY OVER IT!
I will stop waffling now, and should have put a WARNING at the start of this post.
I am going to go outside and say good morning to my lovely fur, feathered and finned kids and be grateful that I am still capable and able to do so. I will spend some time with them all one by one and then sit in the garden with a nice cup of my favourite tea with sugar in it(and not feel guilty). Do a little meditation and a HUGE GRATITUDE LIST ALONG WITH MANY THANKS for all that I have.
Sending much love and thoughtfulness to those of you out there that may need some right now. xxx Sharing a photo of some mini daffodils and a Gorgeous Male Gang Gang Cockatoo that comes to feed in my garden.
I read many years ago, if you eat honey 🍯 from your local area-it helps with hay fever 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
rainbowfarmgirl 